This time every preseason, I’m struck by a generous spirit, and I dole out gifts to college football luminaries. Consider it my way of offering a pre-kickoff pick-me-up, following an offseason during which it seems the only winners are lawyers and their billable hours.
They say it’s better to give than to receive. I wouldn’t know. Nobody on this list ever gifted me anything other than column fodder. Perhaps, that’s the greatest gift of all.
As a pat on the back for all of my generosity, I saved the final goodie for myself.
Who’s too high, too low?USA TODAY Sports’ Top 100 College Football Players for 2026
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The NCAA:An ounce of clout.
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Lane Kiffin: The Cleveland Browns‘ practice squad.
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Curt Cignetti: A Vanity Fair piece.
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Tony Petitti:A crown and scepter.
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Greg Sankey: A metrics trophy.
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Nick Saban:A time machine.
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Dabo Swinney: A ride in Saban’s time machine.
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Tyler from Spartanburg:Vindication.
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Kirby Smart: A statue.
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Jon Sumrall:A gift card to Regal Nails, Salon and Spa.
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Florida Gatorspress corps:A lectern that’s bolted down.
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Kalen DeBoer: A cameo in the next “Men in Black” movie.
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Brent Venables: Another contract extension.
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James Franklin: A redemption tour.
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Dan Lanning: A strong Q4 for Nike.
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Eric Morris:A good taxidermist.
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Steve Sarkisian: A Basket Weaving 101 course at UT-Austin.
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Pete Golding: A Basket Weaving 102 course at Mississippi. Because, why stop at 101?
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Kyle Whittingham:A motorcycle ride on M-119 during the October open date.
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Southern Cal:Penn State’s schedule.
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Texas:Miami’s schedule.
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Ohio State:Notre Dame’s schedule.
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Oklahoma: Indiana’s schedule.
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Indiana:Howard’s schedule.
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Will Leitch:A pair of Warby Parker glasses.
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Ted Cruz: A copy of “I Alone Can Fix It.”
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Jere Morehead:A copy of “Henny Penny.”
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Solomon Tuliaupupu: A 10th year of eligibility.
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Joey McGuire:A black hat.
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Cody Campbell:A muzzle.
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Kalani Sitake:Cody Campbell’s checkbook.
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Dante Moore: A Heisman Trophy.
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CJ Carr: A trip to New York to watch Moore win the Heisman Trophy.
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Arch Manning: Dante Moore’s defense.
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Gunner Stockton: Arch Manning’s wide receivers.
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Keelon Russell: Gunner Stockton’s offensive line.
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Joe Burrow:His number retired at LSU.
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Jayden Daniels:A cease-and-desist from LSU.
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Pat McAfee:A graceful exit to a short-lived music career.
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Paul Finebaum:A politics podcast for normies.
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Ed Orgeron:A podcast about … well, anything. Just get him a podcast.
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Mario Cristobal:His first ACC championship.
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Ole Miss fans:A sleeve of golf balls.
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Washington State fans:A Pac-12 membership map.
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Northern Illinois fans:A Southwest Airlines gift card.
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Texas State fans:An Alaska Airlines gift card.
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Indiana fans:Another Big Ten championship.
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Georgia fans: Another SEC championship.
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Brigham Young fans:A first-round playoff game.
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Notre Dame fans:A January trip to Las Vegas.
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Lincoln Riley:The phone number for a good realtor.
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Dan Mullen:A Power Four job.
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Rhett Lashlee:A phone call from Florida State.
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Mike Norvell: A lounger on Buyout Beach.
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Luke Fickell: A tee time with Hugh Freeze.
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Scott Satterfield:A phone call from Appalachian State.
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Jason Eck: Easy access to Spotted Cow beer. Headquarters: Wisconsin.
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Brian Kelly: An endorsement deal with U-Haul.
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Bill Belichick:Free time to write his next book.
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North Carolina: A mulligan to its 2024 coaching search.
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Jordon Hudson: A happy “BANniversary” trip with her boyfriend.
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Blake Toppmeyer: A fifth consecutive season of roach-free hotel rooms.
Blake Toppmeyer is the USA TODAY Network’s senior national college football columnist. Email him at BToppmeyer@gannett.com and follow him on X @btoppmeyer.
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY:College football ‘gifts’: Nick Saban gets time machine, Lane Kiffin scores new team
Source: sports.yahoo.com
